I love an addict

It is very hard loving an addict. My husband is a wonderful man who understands addiction and he is supportive of my love for my addict, but I love her. I wrote this the other day when I was worried about my addict and if she was going to be okay. For now I think she will be.

ADDICTION

Pain, It’s a slicing desperate place. A hopeless grip on your heart that you wish would loosen, but there is no releasing the tightness you feel or the powerlessness you feel when someone you love has slipped through your fingers.

The kind of pain you feel when someone you love is destroying themselves and you are powerless is insurmountable.

It’s raw.

I wish I could say that it’s empty. Emptiness would be easier than loving someone who is destroying everything good in their world and darkening it with shades of grey so dark that you can hardly tell the difference. It’s a hold squeezing and not letting up. The kind of pain you wish you could do something about, but you can’t because you are powerless.

Powerless.

No control over what someone else does. The only person you can control is yourself and your reactions.

So you mourn.

It’s a loss even though they’re living.

And then they’re better and then they’re not.

And then they’re better again, and then they’re not. Again.

 

I love an addict. It’s hard, but I do. If you have read Fight You then hopefully you read my note to the reader and you understand who I love. I wanted to share my feelings with you because you might love an addict too. It’s hard, but you are not alone.

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